Homebirth of Molly (2nd child, 2nd homebirth)

I believed this baby would be born a few days after her due date, because Roger was 5 days after his. When I started having a couple episodes of uncomfortable contractions a week before her due date, though, I started thinking she might come sooner than Roger had. Every day I woke up thinking “she could come today!” and went to bed thinking “I will be pregnant for 3 more months. Or maybe forever.”

My job likes to know when my last day there will be, so I chose one – the Friday after my due date. The next Monday, I threw Roger a little birthday party to keep myself sane, and because it was his 2^nd birthday, and mostly because I was still pregnant. Tuesday it was a little harder to not go crazy, but I had ballet class to look forward to. Yeah, I went to ballet class when I was 41 weeks pregnant. The worst part of Tuesday, though, was that I didn’t feel the baby moving hardly at all, and it was freaking me out. I was trying to discern whether I was imagining the lack of movement because I felt like she was so late or if I should actually be concerned. I finally decided to tell Melody, my midwife, and she came to check up on me that night.

By the time Melody got to my house, I had felt the baby move more, but not as vigorously as normal. Also, I had been crying hysterically for no apparent reason, but had calmed myself down. When she listened to the baby’s heart and all seemed fine, I started crying again, and couldn’t stop. She noted that I was having regular contractions. I said “well, I know, I’ve been having them all day, but they don’t hurt.” She said she was pretty sure I was in labor. I just kept crying…which she said was probably because of the hormonal change. I let her check me, and she said I was 3 cm dilated and 90% effaced. I still wasn’t sure she was right about me being in labor. When I was in labor with Roger, she called it before I could tell, so I was willing to sort of buy it this time too – at least enough to tell my doula, my mom and my photographer. I found out my photographer was going to be at her grandmother’s funeral for the majority of the following day, so I a) freaked out a little bit, and b) convinced myself (sort of) that I wasn’t in labor and wouldn’t have the baby without a photographer. Then I went to sleep.

I woke up at 2 in the morning and I could feel the contractions, although they weren’t really painful. I was starting to accept that I was probably in labor, so I posted a facebook status that I was “probably” in labor…I thought that would be a good way to keep people in the loop without waking them up, and by the time they woke up I knew I might not feel like being on facebook. I also started panicking in earnest about having a photographer, and reached out on a group on facebook. I drifted in and out of sleep, in my bed and in my bathtub, for several hours. When I woke up for real (with a toddler in my face saying “up! Up!”), I checked back on facebook and had several options for photographers, so I felt I could relax. Besides, labor seemed to be going pretty slowly, so I was feeling like maybe my original plan would work out after all. I checked in with my mom, doula, midwife, and photographer and let them know I definitely was in labor but didn’t need anything yet and was sure it would be many more hours before I delivered. I remembered quite vividly how I had called everyone over too early with Roger and how they’d all gone home in the middle of my labor. I wanted to be more considerate of their time this time and also have them there and alert for the later part of my labor, not the early part that I could manage myself quite easily.

At 10:00, Roger had playgroup, but I didn’t want to take him. In fact, it was about that time I started feeling like I couldn’t take care of anyone but myself. Later, when we were trying to decide when “active labor” started, this was probably the best we could think of, because everything seemed so gradual. So at 10:00, my sweet neighbor Jennifer took Roger to playgroup and I went to contact my doula, Natalie. Natalie was already arranging to come over even though I hadn’t told her to. She’s very intuitive. She arrived around 10:40 and immediately got to work doing counter pressure on my lower back. I didn’t tell her what to do…I don’t think I would have known. She just knew when it was coming, pushed on my back, and went back to normal conversation with me in between contractions, which was perfect for me.

While Roger was away, I labored and got things ready (with a lot of help from Chris). I had Chris clean the tub so the blankets we lined it with wouldn’t get dirty (it had been in our shed for a little while). We put pillows all over the bottoms of the tub, then blankets on the bottoms and sides, then plastic. Chris hooked up the hose to our sink and we started filling it. Then Natalie and Chris pulled the plastic tight and taped around the edge with duct tape. The result was a very large, firm on the outside, cushy on the inside, birthing pool. I got changed and got in. The water was very nice. Natalie put a pillow in a trash bag for me to rest my head on and suggested I start listening to Lauralyn Curtis' hypnobirthing tracks, which were really great. My mom came over and cooked me (and Natalie, and Roger) scrambled eggs on toast – because Roger got home around then. Then she took him outside, which he loved, and he came back a few hours later to tell me about the machines he saw – there’s construction going on somewhere nearby.

With Natalie there doing counterpressure on my back, and later on my hips, contractions were quite manageable, even easy. We talked between each one, and during the contraction I breathed, Natalie reminded me to relax, breathe all the way in and out, and open. She did this quietly and breathed with me sometimes, and I could hear the hypnobirthing tracks in the background. I ignored them between contractions, but during each contraction I focused a lot on what they were saying. They very often described just what was happening. We kept skipping the fear release one, because it kept talking about things getting smaller, and we didn’t want anything to get smaller. Melody (midwife) came by and noted that I was “working hard.” I seemed very relaxed, so she explained to Natalie that she hadn’t seen me work much harder than this last time. It’s just how I labor.

Melody called an attendant I’d never met – Raili – to come and monitor the baby’s heart rate while Melody went to a prenatal appointment she had with another mom. I knew I still had time, so I didn’t mind her leaving. Besides, I had Natalie and the hypnobirthing scripts. I had Melody check me again and she said I was 5 cm and fully effaced. I thought it would be a good time to tell Amy (my photographer) to come – and thankfully, the funeral was over and she was able to come.

My mom came home with Roger, who was being cute and loving with me. Amy arrived at close to 6 pm, and Melody came back. Labor was getting more intense and I was feeling pretty great about having my whole team assembled there. Melody checked me again, and I was 7 cm and went to an 8 during the check. Melody also called another attendant, Nat, to come – this was an attendant I had met before. It was kind of a party. We had me, Chris, Roger, my mom, Melody, Natalie, Amy, Nat, and Raili all there. People came in and out of the room – I guess 9 people in a bedroom is a lot. I labored. Natalie labored with me…probably harder than I did. As labor progressed, it was nice to have more than one set of hands on me doing counter-pressure on my back and hips, then later on my back, hips, and knees. She directed all of this, with everyone having a turn helping out. She also mostly kept Chris in line – he is prone to making inappropriate jokes at all times.

Also, Natalie was going to take a break and nurse her little girl, but something happened – she didn’t say what, just that everything would be fine. She didn’t seem fine, but she went right back to work. I later found out that her sweet doggy died that night. I can’t really express how grateful I am that she was able to stay with me and help me have a baby when I imagine she wanted to go cry and be with her family – I would have wanted to, if it was my pet. I love her even more for that sacrifice, and I’m so sorry that it happened at all.

Roger, in all the excitement, had refused to nap until around 7 pm. My mom finally got him to sleep. I was slightly concerned about this as a nap time, but it ended up being really good because we were up so late with the birth anyway. Around 9:45, I had to go to the bathroom, and then I threw up. I was pretty sure I knew what that meant: transition. I asked to be checked again. Melody wanted me to be in a squatting position, so we got my back against one side of the tub and my feet on the floor of the tub. Melody said I was complete…and while she was checking me, I felt the urge to push. 

Pushing is so intense! The whole time I was laboring, everything Natalie told me and that the hypnobirthing scripts said felt easy to do…relax, breathe, open. While pushing though, I kept saying “I can’t! I can’t! Wait, yes, maybe I can. I can!” and I would push, and relax and breathe the best I could, and then I’d have a little break, and then we’d do it all over again. I say “we” because I feel like it was really a team effort. There was so much involvement, with people telling me to breathe or make low sounds, giving counterpressure, and Chris supporting me from behind so I would be able to stay in a good position.

It was amazing because I could feel the baby descending while I pushed, then go back up a little, but not as far as she was, and then come farther down during the next contraction. It was also amazing because I got to feel my water bag with my hand. It felt similar to one of those big marble colored bouncy balls they sell at Walmart. I suppose it was much squishier before it was to the point where I could touch it. I was glad it lasted so long, because I had been GBS positive, and while I was hopeful that the suppositories Melody provided me had killed it, I knew that in any case the longer this little baby was in her water bag, the less of a chance she would have to get any infection. Then, a few minutes before she was born, it finally broke. I remember feeling a surge of power and energy to get the baby out, and needed less support from Chris. And I could feel her come out, and I was so happy! She was born at 10:17 pm.

We didn’t want her to be cold, so we got me out of the water and stripped off the wet clothes. Her cord was short, so she couldn’t really reach much of me – pretty much just my legs – but I could touch her and she was here! I laid on the bed and was covered with towels. I couldn’t see her very well, but it felt so great to be able to touch her soft skin. After a little while, Melody asked if we could cut the cord. I asked if it had stopped pulsing, and it had, so I told Chris to go cut it, and I watched. I could finally hold my baby and see her face! I remember thinking she looked so different than Roger had, and Chris said she looked like such a little girl. That made me happy. I tried nursing, and she immediately latched on like a little pro. Chris went and got Roger, who was so, so sweet about meeting Molly. He wanted to give her a kiss and just touch her and be with her.

While I lay there nursing Molly, Melody attacked me with lidocaine, and I screamed like a banshee. I’m great at birthing…not great at lidocaine and stitches. Then I felt a different pain, and screamed some more, and demanded to know what was being done to me. Melody said “well, you screamed so much we gave up on the lidocaine, so that was a stitch. We could try the lidocaine again or just finish the stitches. There are 4 more to do. It will probably be faster if we just do the stitches.” I told her to just do the stitches, and screamed the whole time. I was really grateful to have torn so much less than last time, because lidocaine and stitches are definitely the worst part of birth. Really the only horrible part. Anyway, it was finally done, and before I even birthed the placenta – which came out easily enough. Finally it was snuggle time.

Chris really wanted to hold Molly, and Molly really wanted to nurse for the rest of her life. So I told him to just snuggle up to her while she nursed. That was pretty fun. After a while, Amy told me she needed to get home and wanted to know if I wanted pictures of the weighing and measuring. I did, so I sent someone to go get Melody so we could do that. When Molly was having her newborn checkup, she cried, and little Roger’s heart broke. He could not stand seeing her cry and clung to Grandma and cried his heart out about it. It was so sweet! Molly was 7 lbs, 6 oz, and 20 ¼” long.

I feel so good about this birth. It was such a wonderful experience for me. I wanted to better utilize the hypnobirthing scripts, and I did. I wanted to not call people over too early, and I feel like I did pretty well on that. I wanted to not tear, and I tore very little. I wanted to be able to better control the pushing and go slower, and I did. I wanted to give birth in the water, and I did. I wanted to feel strong and capable for the last part, and I did. I do not know if it is possible to be more satisfied with labor and birth. When I say satisfied, I don’t mean like “satisfactory,” I mean more like how chocolate satisfies a chocolate craving. It just feels so good in every way. That’s how this birth was – so good in every way.